Recently I talked to an older man about his children and grandchildren. He expressed much sadness at how his children and their children had chosen to live with their partners. “I don’t know what I did wrong,” he shared. “I thought I taught them the value of commitment and marriage.”I'm struck at how many parents have similar stories about their children. There’s a sadness they feel  because their children have chosen to not get married and live together with their partners. Some feel great sorrow and link their own divorce with their children’s poor relationship decisions.

The reasons couples choose to cohabit varies. Typically, the young ladies are more eager to commit to a relationship and get married, but generalizations are not safe to make here. I’ve heard many young ladies and young men cite how their partners are not ready for the responsibility of marriage. As a result, they don’t pursue marriage and choose to live together. Often, bringing up the topic of marriage can cause conflict and even a breakup.

Marriage is more than the signing of a piece of paper. It’s not simply a contract even though legally one can think of it that way. Marriage is a covenant in which you promise before God, each other, family, and society to love and take care of your spouse for the rest of your life. So why do people choose not to make the marriage promise? In a word, fear.

God tells us in His word that He will show love to our children for a thousand generations if we love him and obey his commandments. Love means obedience and obedience means doing what the Bible says.  His Word says that marriage was instituted by God. It takes just a step of faith.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”-Genesis 2:24

Sadly, many couples fear they will make the same mistakes their parents did. Others fear the lifetime commitment that marriage represents.  For other couples, the idea of relying on another person financially and emotionally is a non-starter. Whatever your fear is, I believe there is hope for the brokenhearted.

If you’re interested in getting married, my recommendation is to honestly come to God and ask him to touch your heart so you can have the right perspective on marriage, yourself, and God. Through this you will be reassured of the love and acceptance that God has for you. Have an honest conversation with your partner. Tell them why you want to get married. Consider reading material on why marriage is an important part of society. There are many Christian books that will help you to have a right perspective on marriage. Reading the Bible is what will also give you the right perspective on marriage. I’m reminded what it says in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.”