Want to Have Great Communication in Your Dating Relationship? Here’s Where to Start
Photo by Brooke Cagle
Lauren is our wonderful writer and editor at BTO, and she recently had an epiphany about dating.
“No one ever told me that dating takes faith—the same way everything with God takes faith,” she says. “The Bible says that without faith, it is impossible to please the Lord. I never considered how that applies to dating. Faith allows me to step away from fear. It allows me to believe that God is leading me and I am genuinely following Him. Faith allows me to believe that my relationship is God ordained and not just ‘me ordained.’ I get to trust Him that things will work out and be good for me, because He is with me.”
The Bible says faith comes by hearing (Rom. 10:17). Hearing is one important part of communication and heart connection with another person. If we can’t “hear” what the person is saying, we will have trouble getting to know them.
Many people love the Lord and are devoted to Him, but some don’t know Him very well because they don’t know how to listen to Him. They might even believe He doesn’t speak to people anymore.
However, to have the best relationship possible, we need His voice.
To really connect with someone, we have to be able to hear them. That is what produces faith in our heart.
We all go through seasons in our walk with God where we ask, ask, ask. We have a long list of requests, and our prayer times look like going over those requests with God. But it’s also important to listen. What is Jesus saying? Is He giving you the go-ahead with this relationship? How is He comforting your heart and helping you trust Him more?
When you’re waiting to meet the right person—or if you’re wondering if you have met the right person—it’s always a great step to listen to God. Involve Him in your relationship, because He wants to be involved and He can help you.
Hearing His voice will produce faith inside you, and faith can take you out of fear and into a great marriage, where you know what God is saying and your heart is content.
Listening to God opens the door to listening to your partner.
When your relationship with God is full of two-way communication, it allows you to have a better relationship with your partner. Hearing His voice is the most important aspect of a healthy and thriving marriage.
Without His voice, we have a tendency to react in fear. Maybe we want the opposite of what our partner wants, and we end up closing our heart to them in anger. We might try to hide things from them or nag them until they finally do what we want.
But hearing God’s voice allows us to relax, be ourselves, and enjoy life and our relationship in a way nothing else can.
The apostle Peter was clear that if we want the Lord to answer our prayers, we need to honor our partner. One way we can honor them is by listening.
Husbands, you in turn must treat your wives with tenderness, viewing them as feminine partners who deserve to be honored, for they are co-heirs with you of the “divine grace of life,” so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Pet. 3:7 TPT)
Honor is a beautiful gift from our heart to the other person’s heart. When we honor our partner by listening and communicating well, we are giving the Lord honor too.
What does God’s voice sound like?
God often speaks through Scripture. In fact, He won’t ever say something that does not line up with Scripture. The Bible is a trustworthy source in all ways. When we’re reading the Bible and a verse suddenly connects with our heart, that is often the Holy Spirit highlighting something to us. We need to pay attention to those moments and take note of what He says.
The Lord also speaks through a quiet, internal voice that sounds like a thought. As we grow in discernment, we will be able to tell more easily what is our own thoughts and what is actually Him.
God speaks through dreams, visions, and mental pictures. Or He might draw our attention to something around us, whispering to our heart, “Do you notice this sign? Do you notice what this person is saying? Are you paying attention?”
As our relationship grows with Him, we will get better at recognizing His voice. Jesus said without doubt or hesitation, “My sheep know My voice,” and that is us. We are His sheep, and we can hear Him.
Why is hearing God’s voice important while we’re single?
When someone has been single for a long time, they can start to feel desperate or without hope, and this can easily push them into bitterness. Bitterness is a heart attitude that can shut down a person’s ability to have faith in the Lord. They might not want to hear His voice because they think He won’t tell them anything good. They might even let go of the amazing promises He’s made them because they don’t have the strength to hope anymore.
The simple—but sometimes hard—truth is that no matter how long you’ve been waiting, the Lord has good plans for you. I can’t tell you why you’ve had to wait this long, but I can tell you that He delights in you and His plan is always worth it.
This is the key in the waiting:
To listen to His voice, so you can know what He’s doing;
To have faith, so you can keep believing Him as He brings your promise to pass; and
To share your heart with Him, trusting that He already treasures it.
If you want to hear His voice more, let Him know.
Here’s a simple prayer for becoming better at communication—with God and with your future spouse:
Heavenly Father, please teach me how to be a good listener in my conversations with You and in my conversations with my partner. Teach me how to hear Your voice better, so I can hear my partner better too. Please increase my discernment, so I know what You are saying and how You are leading me. I choose faith in this season and a heart that knows the Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.