Is Your Marriage Under Attack? Seek Wisdom
Photo by Tron Le
We live in a season when many people don’t know what marriage means or how to prepare for it. They think they’ll just figure it out along the way.
I’ve heard numerous times, “Before I got married, I didn’t know anything about marriage and how to be a good spouse. I didn’t even know after I got married!”
This is an unfortunately common theme among Christians these days, and it’s probably a key reason many couples decide to part ways—because they have no idea what it means to be married or how to partner with another person.
“He never tells me what he’s thinking!”
“She won’t stop talking. I can’t have my own opinions.”
“We fight. All the time. It’s like she enjoys it.”
“He won’t ever pause and really listen to me.”
Many of us don’t know what marriage is—but we can find out.
It is possible to walk in wisdom and healing and become the one for the special person God has for you. There are many, many things we could discuss about this process, but today let’s focus on a simple but profound step: inviting the wisdom of God to be a part of your marriage.
The Wisdom of God Looks Different
Even when I was a child, I could tell that my parents weren’t happy. They showed affection and playfulness toward my siblings and me, but for the most part, they didn’t know how to show love to each other in the “language” they individually needed. Because they didn’t know how to communicate, conflict would escalate in a way that made me believe they didn’t love each other. The love I wanted to see between them just wasn’t there.
As I grew up, God put in my heart a strong desire to be successful in the area where my parents struggled. However, to be successful in this area, I needed to learn what a strong, healthy marriage looked like. I needed His wisdom and not, unfortunately, what I had seen growing up.
I didn’t know certain things until He began to teach me:
What did it look like to be a mature woman of God?
What does emotional health look like? What does spiritual health look like?
How could I start getting ready for my husband now, so our relationship would be better one day and flow more smoothly?
Wisdom is available to all of us, but it changes the way we think. We have to let go of our preconceived ideas of what marriage looks like, what the “ideal spouse” looks like, what connection and communication look like—and turn instead to Jesus. What does He think? We let Him speak to us about His wisdom and the many aspects of relationship He sees, from His perspective.
Seeking the Better Way
Wisdom is difficult for the world to understand. Many people are lost, hurting, and confused because they don’t realize there’s a better way—there is His wisdom. Not just any answer will do, but they need to know what the God of Wisdom thinks and is saying.
The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding. (Prov. 4:7 NIV)
One simple—but powerful—part of God’s wisdom is inviting Jesus to be a part of your marriage. If you do this, He will give you what you need to make your marriage work. You can’t force your spouse to do the same, obviously, but if you ask the Lord for wisdom, it will be yours and you will know how to walk out what He has given you. James 1:5 is a beautiful promise in Scripture, and God has not changed His mind about fulfilling it:
If any of you lacks wisdom [to guide him through a decision or circumstance], he is to ask of [our benevolent] God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given to him. (AMP)
When you ask for His wisdom, He will pour it out upon you without hesitation, blame, or reasons you shouldn’t have it. He will not say, “Well, you messed up in a past relationship, so I can’t trust you with My wisdom for your relationship today.” His wisdom is what you needed in that past relationship! So of course He’s going to give it to you for your relationship now. He knows what you need, and He’s a good Father concerning that need.
Jesus Is the Glue Between You and Your Spouse
If you don’t know what marriage is or how to be a good spouse, ask the Lord for wisdom in this area. Jesus is your foundation and He’s fully committed to you. He doesn’t have to be just a Guest in your house—He can be the main part. That is what His wisdom offers you: a home that is built on the ways of God, which are a sure foundation.
The best way to start “wisdom seeking” in your marriage is by having an open, learning heart. You will never regret listening to the wisdom of the Lord, learning His ways, and then walking them out. That is what an amazing, incredible, powerful marriage looks like.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize. Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.