3 Surprising Ways Gratitude Can Affect Your Relationship
Photo by Josh Willink
In the mornings before Leon goes to work, one of the sweetest things he does for me is pray for me and bless me. He has done this for years.
But the other day he changed his routine slightly. He chose eight or nine things he was thankful for in our relationship—things I have been doing for him or ways I have blessed him lately—and told me what they meant to him.
I cannot tell you how much this impacted my heart. It might sound like a small thing, but it blessed my heart like crazy.
Did you know that gratitude has the power to change your relationship?
If you are dealing with relational fears, if you feel bored dating this person, if you wake up in the morning and immediately feel overwhelmed by life—the simple choice to be thankful can begin to fix all those things.
Here are three surprising ways gratitude can affect your relationship.
1. Gratitude impacts you at a deep level because you were created to be thankful. It is a part of your DNA.
Every time we go back to what God wants us to be like, we remind ourselves of the truth. Here is one description of how He made us:
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thess. 5:16–18 NIV)
His will is for us to pray, rejoice, and give thanks, and when we do these things, we are walking more closely in who we truly are. Being thankful is not just something people talk about around this time of year—it is a key part of our identity.
2. Gratitude increases your faith that your relationship will turn out well.
When you wake up in the morning, do you ever feel discouraged? Afraid? Overcome? Or like your relationship is probably a mistake?
With me, I have noticed that sometimes in the morning when I’m waking up, I don’t feel very connected to the Lord or to Leon, or I feel rushed, or I’m overwhelmed at the amount of work I need to do. “There is so much I need to accomplish today!”
But what changes these feelings for me is my choice to be thankful. I start thanking Jesus for who He is to me, how much He loves me, how He thinks of me all the time, how He’s with me no matter what, etc.
If your relationship is struggling, adopt a heart of gratitude. Start thanking the Lord for this person you are dating.
“Thank You for bringing this person to me. Thank You for how they remind me of You. Thank You for how You have taught them about Yourself, about life and how it works, and how You’ve gotten them ready to be my partner. Thank You for how kind they are. Thank You for the steadiness of heart You have put inside them.”
Next, take your gratitude to the person you are dating. Do what Leon did for me, and choose a handful of key things that matter to you—things your partner has done for you recently, things they have said, the small things they do that mean the world to you. Let them know you notice these things and how thankful you are for them.
I can’t tell you that being thankful will magically fix every single thing that needs to be fixed in your relationship. However, I will say that being thankful will increase your faith as well as your awareness of the good things God has brought you in this other person.
3. Gratitude purifies the atmosphere and “feel” of your relationship.
Being thankful helps clear out anything that isn’t good in the atmosphere around you. It actually works to break down the lies you might believe about yourself, your relationship, or your partner.
“My boyfriend is ignoring the good things I do for him!”
“He doesn’t really care about me.”
“My girlfriend doesn’t value the effort I put into being with her.”
“She doesn’t value what I value.”
“He is ignoring my heart.”
From a practical perspective, many arguments happen because of misunderstandings. We don’t feel appreciated, we start getting upset, and we lash out. The absence of expressed gratitude can result in a “dark” or “churning” atmosphere, where doubts and lies are ruling.
But being thankful changes negative thinking, because when we are looking for things to be thankful for, we are thinking about being thankful! We are thinking about the good things, which is what God’s Word tells us to do. Philippians 4:8 is a wonderful dating verse:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV)
Being thankful helps our thinking. It encourages our brain to focus on the goodness of God in the relationship instead of the negativity or fears.
Gratitude shifts the atmosphere and cuts off the lies.
The Bible is clear that God loves when we have a thankful heart. That kind of heart is a mighty weapon that helps us confront any circumstance with faith. It helps us stand against any “down-ness” or the painful points in our relationship.
Practice speaking through a heart of gratitude to God and to your partner, and watch your relationship change. This kind of heart brings an atmosphere of relational victory, real love for one another, and the scent of heaven.
“I want to be with you because I can see how good you are. Here is how you have blessed me.”
Gratitude has the power to change your relationship!
This week, go to the Lord and ask Him to give you ideas for how you can thank your partner. Be creative and intentional, and write down what you feel like the Lord tells you.
May we be the kind of people who really have thankful hearts—toward God first and also toward each other. Those who are thankful are blessed. They carry something that others do not carry.
Do you want that kind of blessing on your relationship? It is not hard to find! God doesn’t hold it at a distance from His kids. It is right on the other side of gratitude.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! For more about His amazing, unending love, check out Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.